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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634985">out of hiding (i'm right here beside you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterwind/pseuds/winterwind'>winterwind</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Hockey RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Time, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Zombie Apocalypse, the apocalypse thing is mostly setting and not so much a major part of the plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:07:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterwind/pseuds/winterwind</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If Tyler is tracking time right, it’s been about five weeks since he was separated from Jamie. He doesn’t know if anyone he used to know survived.</p><p>It doesn't matter that Jamie had looked at him like maybe he'd felt the same way that last night together. Tyler needs to focus on staying alive.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>out of hiding (i'm right here beside you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Tyler is tracking time right, it’s been about five weeks since he was separated from Jamie.</p><p>Before this had all started, he thought he knew what being tired was. He’d worked his ass off - metaphorically and literally -  pushing harder and harder and harder to get his body into perfect shape. He’d been through the Stanley Cup playoffs, he’d been through camps, he’d been through ruthless trainers, but nothing, absolutely nothing compared to this.</p><p>It’s been five weeks since he’s spoken to another living person. It’s been three weeks since he’s mostly given up hope that he’ll find another reason for being alive.</p><p>It’s not that he wants to die - he doesn’t, he definitely doesn’t, but he’s searched high and low for wherever the fuck Jamie and Jordie and everyone could have gone and he can’t find them anywhere and being alone is just….</p><p>He’s extraverted, okay? He thrives on human connection. He likes to be surrounded by people - living people, he now needs to specify - and this is a special brand of torture.</p><p>He doesn’t know if Jamie or Jordie or anyone that he used to know is still alive. And that’s…. Whatever, that’s to be expected in this world. But that last night Jamie had looked at him like he knew how Tyler felt, like he’d felt the <em> same</em>, and Tyler had been too chickenshit to act on it and the thing he keeps coming back to is how that night might have ended if Tyler had been a little braver.</p><p>Tyler shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. No amount of wishing would make the present any different. He’s hungry and no matter how shitty things are, he doesn’t want to die, so he takes a quick survey of the street in front of him. There’s a clearing between herds of the undead, so he bolts across the street as quickly and quietly as he can toward a supermarket, whose doors blessedly open for him without issue.</p><p>He knows better than to assume safety once he’s inside though. Readying his knife, he slowly works his way through the aisles, looking for anything he can eat, non-perishables especially. Most of it is picked clean or rotted, which is disappointing but unsurprising. He makes it about halfway through the store before he happens upon someone.</p><p>They’re all in black, their face hooded, and Tyler very nearly has the drop on them before they whip around and point a gun at him.</p><p>Quickly weighing his options, Tyler realizes he has no chance in hell against them. They hold the gun like they know how to use it and Tyler really doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of a bullet.</p><p>“Look,” Tyler says, holding his hands up and dropping his knife. It clatters loudly to the ground and Tyler curses everything about this shitty existence. It’d taken him forever to find a decent weapon and it sucks to lose it like this.  “I’m not trying to cause any trouble - I’m just trying to survive out here, same as you. Just let me go and we can both pretend I never saw you.”</p><p>They don’t move for a moment, pointing their gun straight at Tyler’s head and he’s half-convinced this is the end when a familiar voice speaks.</p><p>“Tyler?”</p><p>Tyler blinks. The figure unzips his hoodie slightly and pulls off his hood, revealing a very familiar red beard.</p><p>“Jordie?”</p><p>“Holy shit, dude,” Jordie says, taking him in. “You’re alive.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tyler says, relief flooding through him. What could have been a fatal encounter has turned out to be maybe the luckiest moment of his life. “It’s good to see you.”</p><p>“Jordie, what -” someone starts to say as they step into the aisle and Tyler’s breath catches in his throat.</p><p>Jamie looks skinnier than Tyler remembers him, his cheekbones more pronounced, highlighting the size of his eyes. Has it really only been a handful of weeks since they saw each other last? It feels like a lifetime.</p><p>He approaches Tyler slowly, carefully, looking at him like he’s not sure Tyler’s real. He reaches out a hand to touch Tyler’s arm but hesitates before he makes contact.</p><p>“Your beard got long,” Jamie says, his voice soft as always. His large brown eyes study Tyler’s face, as if he’s looking for some indication that this isn’t real, that he’s just imagining this. Tyler understands the feeling.</p><p>“You lost weight,” Tyler responds and they stare at each other a moment longer, taking the other in, until they finally break into a breathless, giddy sort of laugh and Jamie throws his arms around Tyler.</p><p>Tyler immediately melts into the embrace, tucking his face into the crook of Jamie’s neck and breathing in deep as Jamie locks his arms tight around him. </p><p>He’s safe. He’s finally safe. </p><p>Jamie’s here and Jamie’s <em> alive </em>and they’re together again against all odds. Tyler’s utterly overwhelmed by the magnitude of how he feels, of the way his heart feels too big for his chest, and he feels the telltale prick of tears in his eyes.</p><p>He lets out a shaky breath and Jamie pulls him even closer. Tyler can feel the warmth of Jamie’s body even through their jackets. He remembers teasing him about how hot he runs last summer - before this had all begun.</p><p>“<em>Jesus Christ, you’re like a goddamn furnace</em>,” he’d said with a grin as their shoulders had bumped together in the backseat of Klinger’s car.</p><p>“<em>What can I say? I’m a good Canadian boy,</em>” Jamie had replied, barely concealing a smirk. “<em>I learned how to properly keep myself warm unlike </em> some <em> people here.</em>”</p><p>It was a fair chirp - Tyler did tend to run on the colder side, which also made a nice excuse for why he always sat a little too close if Jamie were to ever ask.</p><p>Not that he ever did.</p><p>Feeling it again now feels like coming home. Jamie’s hand trails up his spine and settles at the nape of his neck, his fingers just starting to tangle in Tyler’s hair and -</p><p>Jordie clears his throat behind them. They startle and jump apart like guilty teenagers and Tyler feels his face flood with heat.</p><p>“Sorry to interrupt the moment,” Jordie says and, to his credit, he sounds mostly sincere, though Tyler can see a hint of a smile behind his beard. “but we’ve gotta finish sweeping this place and get back home. It’s gonna start getting dark soon.”</p><p>Jamie nods. His cheeks look a little pink and it makes Tyler feel better that he’s a little embarrassed too. </p><p>“Um,” he says to the floor. He takes a breath and meets Tyler’s eye. “I don’t know where you’ve been staying the last month or so, but you’re more than welcome to join our group. Rejoin? Um. If you want to, of course, no pressure or anything, I just -”</p><p>There are no words to describe how much he’s longed to be back with the Benn brothers or these last few weeks, so he just says, “Yeah, I’m coming with you.”</p><p>---</p><p>The rest of the sweep is thankfully uneventful, other than the shy, disbelieving looks Jamie shoots him when he thinks Tyler’s not looking. But here’s the thing - he’s always looking. He’s spent nearly every waking moment praying for this, hoping against every hope that Jamie was alive and he’d see him again, and he’s not taking a moment of it for granted.</p><p>On the walk back, Tyler quietly recounts what had happened the day they got separated. It’s not a particularly interesting story honestly. They’d been caught off guard by a hoard on I-30 while looking for supplies in cars and the group had quickly been outnumbered and overwhelmed, but Tyler had managed to find an open car to duck into for safety.</p><p>He’d waited in that car for nearly four days, convinced he was going to die, until the herd finally dissipated and he was able to escape through the sunroof and dodge the few stragglers. Dehydrated but alive, it’d taken him another three days to slowly and carefully work his way back to the house they’d claimed in Owenwood, but when he finally got there, it’d been empty.</p><p>Jamie looks horrified.</p><p>“We ran into another group that didn’t like us in their territory, so we had to leave. We must have only missed you by a day or so.” He looks pale, even in the orange light of the early evening. “Ty, I’m so sorry. I went back to the house a few times to check to see if you’d somehow made it back, but -”</p><p>Tyler just shrugs.</p><p>“I didn’t stay there long once I realized you weren’t there.”</p><p>He leaves “<em>I couldn’t bear to be there without you” </em>unsaid.</p><p>---</p><p>The new place they’ve set up in isn’t too far from the old one, maybe a mile or two away. It must be a new construction - it’s sleek and modern and totally something he could see one of the boys on the Stars buying back when things were normal.</p><p>There’s a mix of familiar faces and new people in the house. He’s relieved to see Dicky, Guri, and Miro again and overjoyed to see they’d somehow found Rads in the time he’d been away.</p><p>“Seggy!” Rads yells, badly startling the woman next to him, as he leaps up from his seat and whisks up Tyler into a fierce hug. “Солнышко, they told me you were dead.”</p><p>“I’m disappointed that you believed them,” Tyler responds with a grin. “You think a little thing like the apocalypse could take me out?”</p><p>He’s introduced to the new folks and they seem nice, but he pretty much immediately forgets their names, which he only feels vaguely guilty about. It’s been a long fucking day and he’s exhausted. Jamie must see it on his face, because he takes pity on him and pulls him away from everyone.</p><p>“I have the master bedroom,” Jamie says, looking vaguely embarrassed about it, as he leads them into the room. It’s nice, decorated in a modern style like the rest of the house with art Tyler doesn’t understand and a large, inviting bed that has expensive-looking sheets. Tyler tries not to think about what happened to the people who owned this house. “The bathroom is through that door over there if you want to shower.”</p><p>“Are you saying I stink?” Tyler says. He puts down his backpack gingerly near the door. It’s stupid to feel nervous about it in this big, safe house, but he feels weird about taking it off after being on his own for so long.</p><p>Jamie smiles and it brightens his whole face.</p><p>“I was trying to be polite, but yeah, dude, you fucking reek.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Tyler responds, shoving at Jamie’s shoulder with a grin. Jamie beams back at him before his face gets serious and he leans in like he’s got a secret.</p><p>“And get this,” he says in a faux-whisper, even though there’s no one in the room but them. “We have hot water.”</p><p>Tyler feels his whole face drop.</p><p>“No fucking way.”</p><p>“Yes fucking way,” Jamie says, grinning again. His eyes are bright and Tyler has missed him so fucking much. “The house is solar powered and the panels are still working, so we have hot water, electricity, AC, the whole thing.”<br/><br/>“Holy shit, dude,” Tyler says. “That’s fucking incredible.”</p><p>“I’ll show you around properly tomorrow. Dinner should be ready soon if you wanna eat before you get some sleep. You can take the bed in here, I’ll crash on Jordie’s floor.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Tyler protests.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jamie insists. Tyler can’t believe that he ever forgot how stubborn Jamie can be when he wants to be. “You’ve been out there for the last few weeks. The least I can do for leaving you behind is let you have the room.”<br/><br/>“You didn’t leave me behind. You said yourself that you went looking for me after. We got separated. Shit like that is bound to happen in times like this.” Tyler pauses for a moment as a thought comes to him. “Jamie, you know it’s not your fault that I was out there, right?”</p><p>Jamie doesn’t say anything. He just looks away and sets his jaw. Tyler should have known. Despite hockey being a team sport, Jamie always blamed himself for every loss. Tyler’s spent countless nights trying to coax a smile out of him after a bad game.</p><p>“Jamie,” Tyler says, softer now, and takes a step toward him. “You weren’t even with me that day. There was nothing you could have done. You had no way of knowing if I was alive - honestly, I probably should have been dead. I just got really lucky. You went back and tried to find me. You did everything you could have.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have sent you out there at all. It was a stupid call.”</p><p>“So what?” Tyler says and Jamie finally looks at him, looking affronted. “You make great calls all the time. You’ve kept us alive for, what, it must be over a year now. So you made one bad call. I’m not dead. It’s fine.” </p><p>Jamie shakes his head. “Still. I’m so sorry, Tyler.”</p><p>“Stop.” Tyler rolls his eyes. “I don’t want your apologies. I’m back, we’re here, it’s all water under the bridge now.”</p><p>Jamie doesn’t look convinced, but Tyler’s tired and fresh out of the right things to say.</p><p>“Look, the bed is huge. Let’s just share it, okay?” Tyler offers. “The last thing we need these days is for your back to be all fucked up from sleeping on the floor. Besides…” Tyler swallows around a lump that’s suddenly appeared in his throat. “I think I would sleep better with someone else with me.”</p><p>Jamie finally softens at that.</p><p>“Yeah, okay. We can - yeah, that’s fine,” he agrees after a moment. “If you give me your old clothes, I can throw them in the wash for you. You can borrow some of my stuff for tonight. It’ll be a little big, but it should be fine.”</p><p>Tyler digs out the few spare clothes he has and hands them over with a quick “thanks.”</p><p>Jamie nods and says, “Towels are in the closet in there and soap and stuff’s already in the shower. Come down whenever you’re done - Jessi is probably working on dinner by now, so it should be ready soon.”</p><p>---</p><p>The shower is nothing short of heavenly. Tyler hasn’t had the luxury of hot water in a long time and it loosens tension deep within him. </p><p>When he goes back downstairs, nearly everyone is in the main living area. It’s a bustle of activity as people grab food from the kitchen island and circle around to tables or couches to eat. Except there’s Jamie standing there in the middle of it all, staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. </p><p>Tyler tugs self-consciously at the sleeve of his hoodie. There’d been the hoodie and a pair of shorts left out on the bed - he’d assumed it was for him, but maybe he’d gotten confused somehow.</p><p>Jordie very conspicuously elbows Jamie in the ribs. Jamie shakes awake and heads over to Tyler, pink flushing high in his cheeks.</p><p>“Sorry,” Tyler says, hoping his discomfort doesn't show. Jamie shakes his head.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry,” he answers, looking as uncomfortable as Tyler feels. “<em>I’m </em> sorry. I just - uh, you shaved.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tyler replies. He’d seen an electric razor in the drawer and it’d been too hard to resist. He’d never been one to keep his beard very long and trimming it was the first step in starting to feel like a real person again. “Sorry if I wasn’t supposed to -”</p><p>“No - it’s fine!” Jamie insists, his face turning even darker red. “It looks good, I just wasn’t - I didn’t think - um, are you hungry?”</p><p>Grateful for the change in topic, Tyler nods and Jamie guides him over to an empty spot on the couch and rushes away to fix plates for both of them. He comes back with a heaping plate of what looks like some kind of pasta dish with beans and tomato sauce that he presses into Tyler’s hands and a slightly less full dish for himself. Tyler has a faint impulse to protest how much food he’s being given, but he really is so fucking hungry from weeks of unsteady food supply.</p><p>It’s good - nothing too special, clearly put together with whatever ingredients they were able to get their hands on - but the last prepared meal he’d eaten is a distant memory, so anything hot would be more than enough for him at this point. He clears his plate with frankly embarrassing speed and has to wave off Jamie’s offers to get him a second plate, no, really there’s enough, he can have more if he wants it.</p><p>Once people finish eating, a card game he doesn’t recognize starts up. It’s clearly something the group plays often - as they set up, they break into clearly practiced teams and one team complains about Miro, who apparently cheated last game. It’s weird to see how life went on without him, how they created new friendships and new routines that didn’t include him, but it’s also kind of nice too. There’s something reassuring about the normalcy of change, even in times like this.</p><p>Jamie offers to teach Tyler how to play, but he declines. It’s been a long day - a wonderful, absolutely incredible day, but long - and he doesn’t want to slow down the pace of the game. Instead, he settles more comfortably into his seat, his knee pressed just barely against Jamie’s thigh, and takes it all in.</p><p>He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have at some point, because the next thing he knows, Jamie is shaking him awake with a soft, fond smile.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go to bed.”</p><p>The game is still going strong, but Tyler is clearly very tired and would very much like the luxury of sleeping in a bed, so he lets Jamie pull him to his feet and pretends his stomach doesn’t tighten when Jamie’s hand lingers a second too long or when he feels fingers brush against the small of his back as they turn toward the stairs.</p><p>“You’re sure you don’t mind sharing with me?” Jamie asks again, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. “I really don’t mind -”</p><p>“Yes, Jamie, I am 100% positive I am fine with sharing a bed with you,” Tyler interrupts, smirking slightly. “The bed’s huge, we’ll barely even know there’s another person there.”</p><p>That’s a bald-faced lie. Tyler will be very aware that Jamie is just an arm’s length away, but it’s fine. He’d so much rather have that than feel alone again.</p><p>Jamie slips into bed next to him and Tyler has half a mind to throw caution to the wind and curl into Jamie’s chest the way he’s always wanted to, to tuck his nose into the dip of his collarbone and pull him in close. They’ve been through playoff losses, traded friends,<em> the end of the fucking world</em>, what could a little cuddling really cause? </p><p>But in the end, fatigue wins out over courage and the soft sound of Jamie breathing lulls him back to sleep.</p><p>He dreams in nonlinear, illogical shapes. The curve of his mother’s smile. The smell of fresh ice. The click of puppy nails across a floor. A barrage of memories and new creations alike culminating in a nonsensical but manageable dreamscape that’s fine until it’s not. The comfort of his childhood home morphs into a forest and phantom hands tug on him from every direction. He tries to run but gets caught in black tar that pulls him down slowly, menacingly. There’s a familiar voice screaming his name, but it’s too late, the tar is lapping at his chin, about to overtake him and -</p><p>Tyler sits up with a start, gasping for air, adrenaline pumping through his veins. There’s a sudden movement next to him and he’s filled with terror for a moment before he realizes it’s just Jamie. Tyler can make out his silhouette in the darkness and he can see the faint glint of a pistol Tyler didn’t even know he had.</p><p>“Jamie,” Tyler says, putting a hand on Jamie’s arm. His voice sounds rough, even to his own ears. “Jamie, it’s nothing, I’m sorry. I just - I had a bad dream. There’s nothing here. I’m sorry.”</p><p>It’s quiet for a moment, then Jamie sighs and Tyler hears a clink. Jamie must have put down the gun.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Jamie asks softly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Tyler says. “It was just a stupid dream, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He settles back into bed, curling up on his side faced away from Jamie. How fucking embarrassing. He’s a grown-ass man. Who the hell has nightmares past the age of ten?</p><p>Tyler can hear Jamie laying back down too and Tyler takes a deep breath, trying to calm his still pounding heart. It’s quiet after that and he hopes that means Jamie was able to fall back asleep.</p><p>He scrubs a hand over his face and sighs quietly. He can already tell it’s going to take some time for him to calm down and get back to sleep, which is annoying. It’s been so long since he’s gotten a decent amount of rest and he’d really hoped that tonight he’d finally be able to.</p><p>Then there’s a gentle hand on his hip, tentative but definitely there. Tyler doesn’t move, doesn’t dare even breathe, hoping beyond hope that this is real and not just a second, even stranger dream.</p><p>The covers rustle slightly and then Jamie is pressing up against Tyler’s back, curling around him like a shield. This has to be real. There’s no way Tyler could dream the perfect way they fit against each other or the tickle of Jamie’s nose on the back of his ear. Jamie’s hand slides slowly up his chest, settling over his heart.</p><p>“Jamie,” Tyler whispers, unsure but so painfully hopeful.</p><p>“Shhh.” Tyler can feel his breath on the back of his neck. Jamie pulls him a little closer. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”</p><p>The warmth of Jamie’s body is immediately soothing. He can feel the rise and fall of Jamie’s chest as he breathes. He matches his own breath to the rhythm and the last thing he does before sleep takes him back over is thank whatever god might be left in this fucked up world.</p><p>---</p><p>The first thing he notices when he wakes is the soft feeling of fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. It’s a nice way to wake up, all things considered. He hums softly and cuddles closer to the warm body beneath his cheek, keeping his eyes closed. It’s so peaceful like this. He’s not ready to wake up fully just yet.</p><p>But as the minutes trickle on, he comes to realize that he and Jamie must have switched positions in their sleep. He’s flopped ungracefully across Jamie, his arm hanging across Jamie’s chest, their legs tangled together. His head is on Jamie’s chest, just where he’d wanted it to be last night. When he finally blinks his eyes open and tilts his head up to look at Jamie, his nose brushes his jaw.</p><p>Jamie looks down at him and smiles softly. He still looks sleepy, eyes unfocused but warm, so <em> so </em> warm.</p><p>“Good morning,” Jamie says, his voice raspy, and Tyler has to suppress a shiver.</p><p>“Morning,” he responds, unable to stop himself from smiling back at him.</p><p>“Did you sleep okay?” Jamie asks as he starts playing with Tyler’s hair again.</p><p>“Yeah, I -” Tyler can’t think of a graceful way to say <em> it was the best sleep I’ve ever gotten, don’t ever let me sleep alone ever again</em>, so he just repeats, “Yeah. Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course,” Jamie says, soft and sure, and Tyler loves him. Tyler’s loved him for years and he can’t pretend he doesn’t anymore. Not in a moment as simple and intimate as this.</p><p>He trails his hand up Jamie’s chest, anchoring it at the back of Jamie’s neck, and Jamie doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch away. He just looks at him, his expression open and - maybe Tyler’s just seeing what he wants to see but - a little hopeful. He tilts his head up, just an inch, but they’re so close at this point that it feels huge, like he’s showing his whole hand, and he almost pulls back, almost pretends the whole thing was a misunderstanding, but then Jamie leans in too and -</p><p>Kissing Jamie is nothing like Tyler imagined and everything Tyler ever dreamed. His lips are warm and soft, a little cracked, but Tyler can’t bring himself to mind at all. It’s perfect. There’s an unbearable sweetness to the way Jamie kisses him and Tyler can’t get enough. He could spend the rest of his life like this, trading soft, easy kisses like they have all the time in the world.</p><p>Tyler tilts his head slightly for a better angle and in the process presses his hand into Jamie’s neck and - holy shit, Jamie must have been waiting for a sign, because he just comes alive. He surges in closer, pressing fiercer, more urgent kisses to Tyler’s mouth. He brushes his hand along Tyler’s arm to gather him in close from the small of his back. It feels like every bit of his skin that’s touching Jamie is on fire.</p><p>Tyler grips the back of Jamie’s neck a little desperately as he opens his mouth a little wider, wanting more. Jamie obligues, sliding his tongue between his lips, and Tyler moans softly at the bloom of heat that erupts in his stomach.</p><p>For all that they took their time before, now Jamie seems like a man with a mission. It’s all too much - the lush, wet feel of Jamie’s mouth, the soft sounds Tyler punches out of him as the kiss deepens and deepens and deepens until it becomes something so intense Tyler can barely stand it. He feels like he’s about to burst out of his skin, like his body can’t contain the magnitude of the way he feels.</p><p>Jamie pushes up, letting his lips leave Tyler’s for only the smallest moment, to shift their positions. He settles between Tyler’s legs and the weight of him steadies Tyler, putting him at ease. He still feels like he could burst into flame, he still <em>wants </em>more than he’s ever wanted is his entire life, but Jamie grounds him. He always has. And in this moment, he feels like he always will.</p><p>Tyler slings his arms around Jamie, pulling him down closer, and his body pressing Tyler’s into the mattress is <em>delicious</em>. Tyler reflexively cants his hips up and he gasps against Jamie’s mouth as his hardening cock brushes against Jamie’s.</p><p>Jamie groans and it’s this gorgeous sound that Tyler needs to hear more of. He presses his heels into Jamie’s ass and they start to rock together, grinding together harder and harder. It’s too much and it’s not enough and Tyler’s half frantic as he reaches toward the dip of Jamie’s back to pull his shirt up over his head.</p><p>There’s a beat where Jamie struggles to pull it off gracefully, but the moment it’s off, he’s manhandling Tyler into a seated position and yanking Tyler’s off as well. He surges back down to recapture Tyler’s mouth while his hands are everywhere - starting at his abs, feeling over the muscle there, before trailing up to his chest and arms, ultimately pinning his hands down on the pillows above Tyler’s head.</p><p>On one hand - unfair, Tyler also wants to touch. But on the other hand, his cock is <em>throbbing </em>with how hot it is: the raw strength Jamie still has after all this time, the way he could easily dominate Tyler, the way Tyler is half desperate for him to.</p><p>Jamie moves away from Tyler’s mouth after a moment and Tyler’s whine of displeasure turns into a moan when Jamie begins to mouth at the tender juncture of Tyler’s jaw, nipping and licking at his neck until Tyler is half out of his mind with lust, his hips bucking desperately, trying to find any friction. He sucks what Tyler is sure will be an impressive bruise into the base of his neck before he pulls away completely.</p><p>He’s still got Tyler’s hands pinned and he takes a moment to interlace their fingers as he hovers over Tyler, searching his face. Jamie looks beautiful like this, his lips red and swollen, a pink flush across the high points of his cheeks, but, more than that, it’s the look in his eyes that hits Tyler hardest. </p><p>He’s looking at Tyler with undeniable lust but just past that there’s a well of tenderness that’s almost too much to bear. Tyler has always been either the problem child or the object of someone’s desire; he’s never been something precious, something cared for, someone <em>adored</em>, and it’s almost a little uncomfortable to be seen that way. With anyone else, he would have squirmed away from their gaze, cracked a joke, made an excuse. But this is <em> Jamie</em>. </p><p>Jamie who picked him up from the Dallas airport with no judgment in his eyes, who let Tyler weasel his way into his life, who believed in him and trusted him even when he least deserved it - <em> especially </em>when he least deserved it. Jamie who fought his way to Tyler when this whole shitstorm started, who took the initiative and created a safe haven for them, who went out alone into this dangerous world to look for him when he should have been written off as dead.</p><p>Tyler has never loved anyone the way he loves Jamie. He never could, not if he lived another hundred years, not if everything hadn’t broken so fucking bad, not even if he’d never met Jamie. Jamie’s it for him, plain and simple, so he can be brave enough to meet his eyes here, to linger in this fragile moment together with him.</p><p>They’re both breathing hard, their ragged breaths filling the empty space in the room.</p><p>“I want to…” Jamie says breathlessly. “Can I….?”<br/><br/>“Yes,” Tyler says. He doesn’t know what Jamie wants, but it doesn’t matter. Anything Jamie could possibly ask of him he would give again and again and again.</p><p>Jamie leans down to kiss him again before releasing his wrists, so he can pull down Tyler’s shorts and boxers. Tyler’s cock slaps up against his stomach obscenely and he would probably have the presence of mind to be at least a little embarrassed in any other circumstance. But then Jamie is taking his cock in his hand and any thought Tyler might have had flies out of his mind as a bolt of electricity shoots down his spine. </p><p>He looks up at Tyler, his mouth just inches away from his dick, and there’s a question in his eyes. Tyler’s chest is heaving as he reaches down to card his fingers softly through Jamie’s hair. Jamie takes that as permission, rightfully so, and presses a kiss to Tyler’s hipbone before taking his cock into his mouth.</p><p>It’s clear that Jamie is either inexperienced or out of practice, but it couldn’t matter less, because <em>holy shit </em> Tyler has gotten himself off to about a thousand fantasies of this exact thing but it doesn’t even begin to compare. Jamie’s clumsy at first, a little unsteady in his rhythm, but after a minute, he gets the hang of it and he hums, sending a bloom of heat through Tyler’s body. He moans, his fingers tightening slightly in Jamie’s hair, and Tyler feels like he’s about to burst out of his skin.</p><p>It’s been so long since he’s gotten off, even longer that he imagined Jamie being the one to do it, that already his balls are tightening and his back is arching and -</p><p>Jamie suddenly pulls off and Tyler is so frustrated by it that it knocks him breathless, but then Jamie is surging up toward him, pulling off his own shorts and taking both their cocks in his big hand as he reclaims Tyler’s mouth.</p><p>“Fuck, Tyler,” Jamie breathes between kisses. “You’re so - <em> Fuck </em>-”</p><p>“I love you,” Tyler blurts out. He’s so close it borders on painful. He bucks up against Jamie and the way Jamie moans is almost enough to send him over the edge.  “I love you so fucking much. Jamie, I - “</p><p>And then his vision whites out as he comes harder than he can ever remember coming before. He’s vaguely aware of Jamie crying out a moment later and then he feels the comforting, heavy weight of Jamie collapsed against him. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that - hell, they could stay like this forever and he’d still be convinced it wasn’t long enough, but eventually Jamie pulls up off of him.</p><p>Well, he tries. Tyler pulls him back down almost immediately, which makes Jamie laugh, but he fights Tyler’s grip just enough to pull himself to eye level. He brushes his nose against Tyler’s just once, thank god because that’s almost too sweet to handle, before pressing a kiss to Tyler’s lips. It’s soft, like the first ones but weightier somehow. The world has shifted around them and for the first time, Tyler’s not afraid of change.</p><p>“I love you,” Tyler says again, with purpose this time. Jamie deserves to hear it properly. “I know that’s a little much for our first time or whatever, but -”</p><p>But Jamie’s laughing and leaning in to kiss him again.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure you meant it,” he says when they finally separate. “I thought maybe you were just saying it because you were about to come or -”</p><p>“I was definitely saying it because I was about to come,” Tyler interrupts with a laugh. He brushes a stray hair away from Jamie’s forehead and lets his hand linger on his cheek. “But I also meant it. I’ve loved you for so long, it’s honestly stupid.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Jamie says softly, his deep brown eyes wide. It feels like both an admission and a promise somehow. “God, Tyler, I was such a wreck when you were gone. I was driving Jordie insane. I was awful to everyone, all I wanted to do was go out looking for you.”</p><p>“You found me,” Tyler says. He means it as a joke, but it comes out far too sincere and he’s just about to babble some joke or story when he sees the way Jamie’s face softens and he leans forward for another kiss.</p><p>They lose track of time a little bit after that, kissing and touching without any real intensity, until the cum drying on their stomachs becomes too gross to ignore and they clean each other off, giggling. They really do almost make it downstairs to join the group for breakfast then, but Tyler wraps his arms around Jamie’s neck just before they’re out the door and well...</p><p>When they eventually make it downstairs, they’re paid very little mind. It strikes Tyler as both nice and weird. He kind of wants to shout it from the rooftops that he and Jamie are finally together, but it’s also kind of fun that’s just for them for now. Like it’s their little secret.</p><p>“Nice hickey,” Dicky says to Tyler with a smirk. Well, there goes that.</p><p>“Ugh,” Jordie says from his seat at the island, looking between the two of them and instantly putting together what happened. Between the hickey and Jamie’s hand on his lower back, he supposes it’s not a surprise they were figured out so quickly. “I don’t know what’s going to be worse: watching you two pine or seeing you all gross and happy together.”</p><p>“Oh, together is definitely going to be worse,” Tyler says and turns to pull Jamie down into a kiss. He hears Jordie groan and a few others whoop obnoxiously and Tyler can honestly say he doesn’t think he’s ever been happier.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come cry over some sweet hockey boys with me on tumblr at magnus-burntsides or on twitter at @strangesoups.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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